I had no prior knowledge of chlothegod when the music video for ‘I Feel Different Every Day’ popped up on YouTube, but I became a fan immediately. Without wanting to give too much praise to our tech overlords, sometimes the algorithm just gets it right. In this song from her eponymous EP, chlothegod discusses her childhood and the burden of feeling like she needed to be perfect, before defiantly confronting her feelings and realizing it wasn’t her fault. Through all the sadness, anger, guilt, powerlessness and confusion, she finds self-forgiveness and catharsis.
The music video further explores these emotions, showing a series of recurring vignettes that are abstract yet deeply meaningful. To delve into this work, I got in touch with Jaconna Jacobs, creative director of the music video and of the entire I Feel Different Every Day project.
As creative director, you’ve been chlothegod’s collaborator for the entire I Feel Different Every Day project, from the album cover to all the music videos. As somewhat of a layman, what exactly did being a creative director mean for this project? And what did your collaboration with director/DP Josh Nesmith look like?
I Feel Different Every Day is an EP that I instantly loved. I initially sat with the music for maybe a week or so and put a deck of ideas together to send to her and her team. Then when chlothegod and I reconnected, I expressed that working with artists should always be about prioritizing the human within them and that partnership is personable (at least for me) and we really left that conversation being on the same page. From there, being a creative director for her and this project sometimes meant two-hour phone calls and following back up with a video treatment or just us sending each other voice notes and moodboards about how we could extend an idea. She knows what she likes but isn’t afraid to consider a different POV which I really admire. Art is delicate, music is delicate, and it’s important for all collaborators to handle all pieces with care you know?
Which brings me to Josh Nesmith. My video treatments are quite lengthy and detailed but Josh will legit go through it line by line with me. He’s extremely considerate as a collaborator and a director so my process with him is simple yet very trusting. I’ll show him a video treatment and we’ll go through it with a fine toothcomb. He points out the spots where he either wants to elevate a shot, talk through the tone, or even talk through set design. And he works closely with producer and director Keegan Hurley as well so sometimes we three just hop on a call to make sure we’re feeling good about the shotlist. Working with everyone feels like family and I’m hoping that never changes because we all genuinely like working with each other.
Was there an overarching theme or concept that you approached this project with? What’s the connective tissue between the cover and the different music videos?
The overarching concept that I approached with this project is legit the title itself: I Feel Different Every Day. And the extended themes that we focused on were imperfection and reflection. The EP reminded me that we’re all a work in progress and that reflection sometimes shows up with the people that we love and even in the experiences that find us. And with every reflection comes a different emotion. We don’t need permission to be imperfect, so depending on your own internal and external feelings, every day is different for you. Instead of shying away from that, I wanted to lean into it. If you go back to every single video we’ve done together or even the cover of the deluxe IFDED EP, there is always a reflection moment. Some of those reflections are physically shattered mirror moments while in other cases, it’s chlothegod giving herself a self-talk. And we never wanted to give the how and the why of that reflection just because we want the audience to interpret those moments on their own terms.
From the third verse of ‘I Feel Different Every Day’, I find the line “Scratch that, it was never my fault at all” so moving and powerful. What is your relationship with the song? Were there any lyrics or musical moments that already stuck out to you before you started on the music video?
This is a great question! Thank you for asking this. This song really scratches my brain in the best way. My relationship with the song is interesting because on one side, my family also “made a deal with the government” and on the other side, the buildup of the song is every emotion that I felt growing up. So the song hits home for me in more ways than one and my favorite line would have to be “Where’s my guardian angel? Where’s my seat at the table?”. I also just love the number of times that she asks “what do I know?”, because there’s plenty that we don’t know and it’s okay to not pretend as if we do. Again, leaning into imperfection. I love it here.
‘I Feel Different Every Day’ tells such a personal story. The music video reflects this, but remains abstract, leaving a lot of room for personal interpretation. How did you find the right balance between specificity and abstraction?
Oooooo. I think everyone is used to a perfect ending or solution but doing that would’ve interrupted the themes of the song and the project itself. So going into the treatment knowing that a personal story was needed and not necessarily a solution really helped me to create a balance.
One of the recurring visuals in the video is the family of three with red buckets over their heads, which for some reason makes me think of the ‘American Gothic’ painting. What was the idea behind this image?
Oh wow! So you’re not too far off. When I first listened to the song, I immediately imagined the use of a red balloon. But then months later when it came time to make the treatment, I imagined seeing a suburban environment where you see the family and a white picket fence fantasy… but you don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors nor who they really are. We just know what they show us. So it’s very much an inspo from the 1999 film American Beauty but in a slightly twisted way. Red roses are a huge thing in the film and it kind of masks Lester’s reality but I needed something more childlike and eerie to act as a red mask. I looked through some very very lo-fi stock imagery and found a black-and-white family photo with buckets on them, and it felt like the confirmation I needed. Then when Josh asked me what color the buckets should be, it was only right to do red.
Speaking of the buckets over their heads; there’s a recurring element of faces being turned away, covered or hidden. How did this motif come about? Was it there from the beginning, or did it take shape during the process?
The biggest thing was creating a pattern where it’d be somewhat difficult to judge the characters for the way they were experiencing and interpreting life as is. So that balance between showing face and not was our way of welcoming the audience into their world by being intentional about how close and personal we got with the cast across the video.
During the spoken word interlude, there’s a couple of clips that look like they were originally outtakes. Are they really outtakes? And how did you decide to include them in the video?
Yeah they actually are outtakes. Once we were already in edit, Chlo had one note and it was that she wanted to have outtake footage of herself that felt effortless and present for this specific part of the song. It’s her papa speaking so having a personal message attached to footage that felt personal just made sense.
Thank you so much for talking to me about this amazing video. As a final question, is there a moment or vignette from the music video that still really stands out to you? What makes this so special or interesting to you?
The moment at 2:22 when she comes up for air in the bathtub is what stands out to me, because it’s literally the catalyst of every intense moment the audience sees right after – back to back. And it’s special to me because it’s real, it’s raw, and true to what it can mean to feel different every day. Straight, no chaser.
I want to thank you for reaching out and I’m extra happy that you enjoyed the music video. It was literally a labor of love and one of the best moments I’ve ever creatively directed. Thank you for appreciating it as much as we do and thank you for having me!
More chlothegod/Jaconna Jacobs:
I Feel Different Every Day EP
All IFDED music videos
Jaconna Jacobs: Building Black Empowerment in Creative Spaces
Chlothegod’s website
Jaconna Jacob’s website